America's Got Talent (and so can you!)

Into the Words: Part I

I once had the lifetime experience of seeing David Hasselhoff live in the West End, performing in Chicago as Billy Flynn. I will give him this: he's charismatic; he knows he's famous and thus can play famous well. This does not work for all shows: case in point.

But David Hasselhoff has another gift: you spend so much time cringing at his performance that you don't realize just how bad the lyrics are. Last week I looked at the flaws in otherwise characterful lyrics. This week, here's your dose of just how bad it gets out there. These are the types of songs that make people think they are talented. The song just keeps telling them they are!

(And yes, the Hoff sang this on America's Got Talent, proving that his name is not America.)

The scene: Jekyll's going to change into Hyde. Not that the song has anything to do with that.

This is the Moment
Lyric by Leslie Bricusse (who only writes terrible lyrics)
This is the moment. This is the day
When I send all my doubts and demons on their way.
Every endeavor I have made -- ever -- [Oh! 'Cause I didn't get it when you said "every."]
Is coming into play, is here and now -- today. [Glad we established that "this moment" didn't happen yesterday.]

This is the moment, this is the time,
When the momentum and the moment are in rhyme! [Serious WTF moment.]
Give me this moment -- [But it's already here, right? Who is he talking to?]
This precious chance --
I'll gather up my past [In a suitcase?] and make some sense at last. [Of this song?]

This is the moment when all I've done --
All the dreaming, scheming and screaming become one! [Character concern: Jekyll doesn't scream, really.]
This is the day -- see it sparkle and shine, [Again, is he talking to himself? Also, it's totally night when he sings this.]
When all I've lived for becomes mine.

For all these years, I've faced the world alone,
And now the time has come to prove to them [World=singular.]
I've made it on my own.

This [big high note] is the moment -- my final test -- [Oh, this is the moment, not the previous ones. Got it.]
Destiny beckoned, I never reckoned second best.
I won't look down, I must not fall.
This is the moment, the sweetest moment of them all. [Fear of falling? Doesn't sound sweet.]

[Inevitable power ballad key change...]
This is the moment. Damn all the odds. [Okay, hasn't the moment happened by now?]
This day, or never, [Or never? Whoa. Way to change the entire point of the song.]
I'll sit forever with the gods. [It's Victorian London... how many does he believe in?]
When I look back, [Recall: "I won't look down."]
I will always recall, moment for moment, [Official Moment Counter: 11.]
This was the moment, the greatest moment [Aw, man. Counted too early. 13!]
Of them all!

I wish I could say these lyrics inspired nobody, but they actually inspired nobodies. Last year, on American Idol, the hit single was almost a fascimile of the above. I present you an excerpt of "The Time of My Life," without judgment:

I've been waiting for my dreams to turn into something I could believe in
And looking for that magic rainbow on the horizon
I couldn’t see it until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

I’ll taste every moment and live it out loud
I know this is the time, this is the time to be
More than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time, this is the time of my life