How to Win an EGOT

I've been away, but I had to pop in to share thoughts I had from the Emmys. Namely, only 10 people have won the coveted EGOT... ever! (13 counting honorary awards.)

Why is this number so small? OK, it's not so easy to waltz onto Broadway and grab a Tony. Though wealth and fame can help elevate a good performance to gold (see: Catherine Zeta-Jones).

And it's not easy to win an Oscar. You have to really campaign for it, and most great actors win them early in their careers or never at all. James Earl Jones* has an asterisk on the EGOT list because his Oscar is (surprisingly) honorary only.

But here's my Surefire Oscar Advice: Start out as a singer. If you sing really well, you are almost guaranteed an Oscar just for being in a movie (see: Julie Andrews, Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, Cher, Jennifer Hudson).

Trouble staying on-key? Then take my Surefire Grammy Advice: Spoken Word album. This worked for actual EGOTs Helen Hayes, John Gielgud, Audrey Hepburn, and James Earl Jones*. Or record yourself doing stand-up, a la EGOTs Mike Nichols, Whoopi Goldberg, and Mel Brooks.


All right, you worked hard and won a Tony. You sing great, so hey, pile on the Grammys. You made one movie for a lark, and bam, Oscar. What's left?

Surefire Emmy Advice (aka Piece of Cake):
1. Guest star on SNL. You can be an expert comedian (Tina Fey), an expert beloved comedian (Betty White), or 4-time-Emmy-winner Justin Timberlake. In fact, you really just should be Justin Timberlake.

2. Miniseries or Movie. Don't deign to go near those SNL hippies. Just call HBO and tell them you want a seventeen-hour movie based on some Wikipedia entry you Stumbled Upon. Meryl Streep, Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren, Maggie Smith, Al Pacino, Robert Duvall... the list of Oscar winners who casually tossed off a hit Miniseries/Movie is staggering.

3. Don't work on Mad Men. If you film even one episode of Mad Men, Best Drama Series-four-times-running, you are almost guaranteed never to win. They should really consider some HBO miniseries work.

Who's next in line? Cher and Martin Scorsese could collaborate on a musical, starring Kate Winslet and Eminem. How about a remake of On Golden Pond with Bette Midler and Dick Van Dyke? And please, Lord, let Maggie Smith record that smooth jazz album she's always talking about.