Let's Talk about Something Really Important...

Musicals. Yes, musicals.

People either (a) love them because they can sing along on road trips, and guess which Glee character will cover each song; or (b) hate them for the same reasons. Though try singing along to Adding Machine or Marie Christine, and you'll see that not all musicals are what you expect them to be.

Many people rail against the musical because it’s not a realistic form. Why would characters express their feelings in song? Well, to them I say, why do Madonna or Radiohead express their feelings in song? Isn’t that what songs are for, to express things?

Myth vs. Truth #1: Just because some musicals are silly does not mean all musicals are silly.

There are two musicals in the works that we should discuss. One stars Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, and potentially Taylor Swift. It's incredibly bombastic, and they sing the whole damn time. The odds are strongly against it. 

Myth vs. Truth #2: Audiences find singing in movies uncomfortable.

I don’t think anyone has a problem with singing in the Rodgers and Hammerstein films. The writers knew how to move from dialogue to song and back without apologizing.

Whereas in Rob Marshall’s Nine, the director made so many apologies that the songs felt irrelevant. Nicole Kidman was forced to sing the lovely “Unusual Way” in a basement key, in a fantasy sequence on a movie set with a fantasy fountain, with every verse interrupted by dialogue. See it for yourself:

Audiences do find singing uncomfortable when the singing is really bad. This affects modern musicals more than the classics.

Into the Woods (a.k.a. the second musical I’ll discuss)

Somehow, I’m not worried about Into the Woods. It will translate to the screen more easily than Les Miz. The songs are character- and plot-driven. Granted, Stephen Sondheim will probably make some rewrites. Some of the soliloquies are more "tell" than "show," and the   group numbers are intricately plotted for a lot of characters simultaneously.

The film needs three big stars in the Witch, the Baker, and his Wife. So I thought about casting and here's what I came up with:

The Witch needs pipes and a lot of presence. We’re talking Barbra Streisand, 1980s. She’ll need to switch between legit ballads, belting… and rap. I could see the Witch cast older: Meryl Streep (turned down Sweeney Todd, but she’d be a hoot), Emma Thompson, Toni Collette. But she's supposed to turn youthful and beautiful, so they might go younger. What about a pop star... Academy Award-winning actress Jennifer Hudson? Catherine Zeta-Jones and Queen Latifah are Rob Marshall-friendly; Charlize Theron would be more fun. 

The Baker will probably be cast as a leading man rather than a character actor. I bet they'll ask Johnny Depp, though he seems entirely wrong. I’d like to see Ewan McGregor myself. Joseph Gordon-Levitt if they want to go young. This will be the hardest role to cast.

The Baker’s Wife has challenging music, but doesn’t need a professional singer. Kate Winslet, Amy Adams, and Carey Mulligan could all get by (though they're ingenues). I’d love to see her cast in her 40s (since she’s desperate to have a baby). I wonder if Frances McDormand, Laura Linney, or Julianne Moore can carry a tune.

Cinderella: Pretty, young, solid soprano. Amanda Seyfried and Anne Hathaway will fight it out on the Les Miz set. Can Mia Wasikowska sing? Or they could grab someone who actually does theater. (Please, not Lea Michele.)

The Princes: Oh, boy. I can see the usual names (Hugh Jackman, Neil Patrick Harris), but let’s have fun with this one. I vote for Michael C. Hall and Joaquin Phoenix, if he’s willing to act again. Or go older and grab Colin Firth. (Please, not Matt Morrison.)

Narrator/Mysterious Man and Jack’s Mother: Geoffrey Rush and Imelda Staunton. Done.