Google Update: Just the way you are

This one's more interactive, because I don't have time for screenshots. Go to Google and type in "why do I have." The first two results are great juxtaposed.

Then try "you are a" and add random first letters for the next word. "You are a v" yields some pretty special things: "you are a very special person" is right above "you are a victim of the rules you live by." Maybe those rules mean that "you are a vampire," in which case you don't like sunlight... so -- more searching for you! -- "you are a victim of windows." I am sitting in my bay window nook right now and praying that they don't attack me.

"You are a c" might lead your mind to terrible places, but the real ones are loving: you're a chef, a child of God, a child of the universe even. "You," Google searchers say, "are a choir boy compared to me." Perhaps because the searcher is a vampire! The top two searches for just plain "you are": first you're beautiful, then you are what you eat. I guess you eat beautiful things.

All sorts of compliments roll out when people search for that mysterious "you." You, my friend, are a god and I am not, a fishmonger, a hard-working analyst in the office of financial operations. On the flip side, you are also "a jerk in Spanish" (just in Spanish) and a "rude thoughtless little pig." Did you make the Big Bad Wolf angry?

And what am I? I am America and so can you! I am a zombie and it's not so bad! I am a jelly donut; I am a eunuch (who shares that?).

I am a kitty cat and I dance. Dance. Dance.