For fun, assume I'm both smart and a writer (and we all know what "assume" means; that joke died when Caesar did). As the world turns, what makes the days of our lives bold and beautiful?
Obama-flavored ice cream
Okay, maybe "flavored" isn't accurate parlance; he's more of an inspiration,
to the American people, yes, but also to Ben and Jerry's. The puzzlement of this ice
cream lies within its product description: "Amber waves of buttery ice cream with roasted non-partisan pecans".
What Obama-supporter will buy a tub of purple mountains majesty because it's non-partisan?
(Did the pecans harvested have a say in their political affiliation?) If we need Yes Pecan! ice cream in our freezer, it's because we're riding the Hussein train all the way. It is fascinating how much you can merchandise Obama-rama. I dare say Clinton (Bill or Hill) couldn't
have made a killing on ice cream. It would have been funny to slap Bush the First's mugshot on bags of frozen broccoli, though. Bush supporters, all ten of them left, won't hanker to buy Yes Pecan! Cheney looks too miserly for ice cream -- how about a three-decker sauerkraut-and-toadstool sandwich? But, you know, it's high time the Democrats were recognized. Sarah Palin's been in the biz for years. B&J already sells Moose Tracks.
As a divided culture, though, we can bond over several things with Yes Pecan! The thought that even if George W. (our first president, I mean) received his own flavor, how would his false teeth handle it? And, despite our differences, we all moan and groan together over terrible puns. Other potential ice creams included Obamana Split and Barackademia Nut, which is delicious just to say. Imagine you go through a messy break-up, furniture tossed out of windows, restraining orders filed, and you unearth your carton of B&J's with your pals to get you through the night. Never would you feel so inspired. Go to the store, buy yourself another, let those amber waves of grain wash over your tongue. The check-out lady says, "here's your change," but you clutch your half-gallon and think, No. I've already got some.
Bad Will Hunting
Matt Damon has called James Bond "an imperialist, misogynist sociopath who goes around bedding women and swilling martinis and killing people." Imperialist, because he flies around the world and charms everyone he meets, overtaking villains and wooing women with his wiles? Sociopath, because he gets his rocks off from ultra-violence? I hope poor Mr. Damon didn't have to sit through Kill Bill; he might have had nightmares about the brides hiding in his closet with machetes. He beds women? You don't say; well, I guess that makes him... a heterosexual. Apparently an alcoholic, too. I sure hope he doesn't drive during all of this swilling and killing. What message would that send to kids with learner's permits?
James Bond hasn't been the same since PC culture came into stride. We still want the eye candy, the shiny gadgets, the winner-take-charge attitude, but somehow we feel guilty for it, as if it's wrong and yet so right to enjoy James Bond. When the economy's down and wars abroad are raging and people are still fighting for their civil rights, I say, lighten up Matt Damon! As for your claim that "they could never make a Bond film like any of the Bourne films," um, they did. It was called Quantum of Solace. Bond films, like it or not, gave the culture what it wanted and allowed more high-thrills espionage tales like Jason Bourne to come to the screen. And they're based on Robert Ludlum novels -- you're in no position to be a snob.
3 comments:
so...i'm confused. did you write this, or is this an excerpt from that book you were reading? i guess its a good thing that i can't tell your writing from that of a published author :)
"The check-out lady says, 'here's your change,' but you clutch your half-gallon and think, No. I've already got some."
This part made me laugh out loud. :-)
You are a goof. Only you would feel the need to have a blog entry waxing poetical about ice cream.
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